You know what you want and when you wanted it. The question is, when are you going to do something about getting it? If you can't find the answers you search for it's because you may be searching in the wrong places. Get still with yourself and ask the answers to come and they will. Trust your gut there, in that stillness. You have settled long enough in getting what you didn't want. However take it as a great learning period into growing into knowing what you better want on your path going forward now. Everything has it's lesson, you just have to grow from them and not keep yourself stuck in them. You are worth everything you want. You always were. However, some more than others have great lessons to learn and you will keep learning the same ones until you stop settling. Not every single thing, situation or person has to be a hard or bad lesson. See it all as a blessing. Onward and upward movement now. It's the only way to go. You have nothing left to lose except yourself if you choose to keep your feet firmly planted where you are. If dinner is no longer being served, get up from the table and go fill your palette elsewhere. Seriously, how much longer will you starve yourself? The only persons approval you'll need is your own. It's time to leave the "projected" traditions behind and create your own life, the one you always desired and were worthy of. The one that brings YOU peace and joy. Remember this saying, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over yet expecting a different result". You will need to walk away from something old so that you may walk into something completely new and different. Enjoy.